'You are treating your wife like a child': Petty husband takes away wife's birthday party after she calls his sister a 'leech' for borrowing money

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 4, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Lending money to family members is a dangerous game. You do it out of the kindness of your heart, or out of some sense of familial obligation, and you hope that it all works out. But it's incredibly common that you run into some sticky wickets along the way. When money and family are mixed, it often leads to hurt feelings and conflict. This is especially true when you get married and start sharing your finances with someone else. 

When you're married, it ceases to be just your money. Even if it's not in a shared account, odds are you depend on each other's earning power, so if your spouse starts to give money away, it becomes your issue. That's what happened in this story when a husband's lending money to his sister caused conflicts in his relationship. But was the way he retaliated appropriate? Read on for the story and see what you think.

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    Cheezburger Image 10422014720
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

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    AITA for cancelling my wife's birthday party after she called my sister a leech
    via u/Resident_Injury8134
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    My wife's birthday party was suppose to be this Friday. I actually wanted her present to be a surprise this year, it is not uncommon that my wife will open an Amazon package thinking it was something else ruining the present surprise.
    via u/Resident_Injury8134
  • 04
    My sister and her do not have the best relationship and it is due to different values. They basically disagree on everything but the big thing that my wife hate is that my sister has asked for money or help. We have a shared account and keep separate money. I will lend my sister cash but I haven't had to do that in a while. I lend her from my account not the shared account. She also pays me back.
    via u/Resident_Injury8134
  • 05
    So I sent my wife's present to my sister house and was going to pick them up Thursday. I got a text for my sister saying she got the packages and my wife saw the text.
    via u/Resident_Injury8134
  • 06
    She made a comment about giving handouts again. She basically told me enough was enough and that I need to stop sending her 1. She called my sister a leech that can't get her together This resulting in argument and I told her that she was holding her birthday present but I am returning them. I am also canceling the dinner party.
    via u/Resident_Injury8134
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    Another big argument and I did cancel the plan and asked my sister to return the packages. My wife is p ed at me and called me and I told her that this is her own aj fault.
    via u/Resident_Injury8134
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    CandylandCanada 1d ago • . ESH You are treating your wife like a child who needs to be punished because she said something that you didn't like. You are conflating two different issues: the tension between those two, and her birthday.
    via u/CandylandCanada
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    You should have acted like an adult, and had a calm discussion where you expressed your feelings about wife's comments. Instead, you are being high- handed and patronizing. Wife and sister's (to a lesser extent) bad behaviour is obvious. Wife should have left the matter between you and sister. Sister should get her act together.
    via u/CandylandCanada
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    If East_Parking8340 · 1d ago you are lending (or giving) money to the detriment of your household you'd be an idiot. However, in this case you have a shared account which funds the household so there is no impact. It's interesting that your wife opens packages that are sent to you. I'd guess that if you opened her packages she'd be livid
    via u/East_Parking8340
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    (double standards). It suggests she has no boundaries and doesn't want you to have, not secrets, exactly, but things for yourself. It smacks of a controlling nature. You're NTA for cancelling but you would be if you don't sit her down and set boundaries.
    via u/East_Parking8340
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    Principessa116 • 1d ago • YTA. This question asked if you were TA for cancelling the party. YES, you are. You could have told her IMMEDIATELY that your sister was holding her birthday present, but it sounds like you held that fact back as some sort of GOTCHA moment to try to make your wife feel bad, meanwhile you let her think that your sister is taking advantage of you again.
    via u/Principessa116
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    You already knew about the tension between them, you could have made other arrangements to hold the package. Like have it shipped to an amazon locker and you pick it up and stash it before she knows there's a package to open. The two of you have a disagreement about a misunderstanding that you let linger on purpose, and you punish your wife by cancelling her celebration? JFC. You're not her father who's not letting her go to the school dance to teach her a lesson.
    via u/Principessa116
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    You ruined her night, ruined the night of the other people who were planning to attend, and caused further resentment between your wife and your sister, who you had return the gifts. You just showed your wife that when it comes down to it, she can't trust you, you have no problem embarrassing her publicly over a PRIVATE disagreement you had, and that you value your sister more than you value your wife.
    via u/Principessa116
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    If you want to keep this relationship, and it doesn't sound like you do, you need to reschedule the party give her the gifts she was going to get plus an apology gift, and go to a marriage counselor to discuss this issue and your disproportionate, paternalistic reaction.
    via u/Principessa116
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    ncslazar7 1d ago ESH. Why are you both so passive-aggressive? Good relationships are built on communication, but retaliation.
    via u/ncslazar7
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    • Butterfl_Blue0324 1d ago • NTA! Whoever disagrees are choosing to deliberately overlook the fact that your sister pays the money that comes from YOUR account, back. Not only that, you said she hasn't asked in a while nor was she asking then. Instead of your wife asking what she was talking about, she FAFO
    via u/Butterfl_Blue0324
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    • [deleted] 1d ago • YTA specifically for the question you asked, "AITA for canceling my wife's birthday party for calling my sister a mean name?" Yes. You are. What you did is what you would do to badly parent a child. A) the consequence does nothing to correct the behavior you want to change and B) your wife isn't your child and doesn't need to be punished by you.
    via u/[deleted]
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    whichwitch9 · 1d ago • ESH Yeah, this is really gonna help things. Great move. Get to advertise your marriage s ks, and you're allowing your sister to be as involved in your home as your wife, too!
    via u/whichwitch9
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    KoalityThyme • 1d ago • All things aside, it says a lot that your wife saw a message and instantly started a rant about your sister. Either you bail your sister out A LOT, or your wife is controlling. (or both). I think she's an a h le in general for seeing a message not for her (how did she see it? Popped up on your phone? Snooping?) and just going off without bothering to ask you about it. The bare
    via u/KoalityThyme
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    minimum she should have done is ask. I would think it's reasonable to return gifts in this situation personally. First thing you do is talk ? Guess the package isn't for you after all. Fully cancelling her party? Depends. If she's actually just taking her chance to on your family for no legitimate reason? Sure. Consequences. You don't reward a h le behaviour. If this is like the 1 out of 10 times that the package you sent your sister actually wasn't just you buying for her.... you're an a h le.
    via u/KoalityThyme
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    celticmusebooks 1d ago . • Boy you REALLY don't like your wife-- how are you two still married. YTA for being childish and going out of your way to hurt someone you're supposed to love. YIKES ON BIKES I hope this is just ragebait.
    via u/celticmusebooks

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